The hidden art of email communication: practical tips

Hopefully ‘The hidden art of e-mail communication’ series has been useful/helpful.  To finish up, using points made and input brought by readers, let me try and leave you with a few practical pointers:

:: Use e-mails wisely.  Steer clear of emotive, complex and sensitive issues.

:: Write clearly and concisely.  Avoid ambiguity, make single points simply, avoid subtlety, avoid sarcasm, and keep sentences short.

:: Read first, send later.  If you are angry, annoyed, frustrated, or emotional, hold back until you have taken a breath and read your composition from the perspective of the recipient.

:: Watch your grammar.  A misplaced sentence can give a whole other meaning to what you have written, literally.

:: Buy time.  If you can’t respond quickly, for whatever reason, send a quick ‘holding’ e-mail to tell the sender that you received their communication, are aware of its requirements, and will get to it.  It’s often a good idea to give an approximate time-frame for your response.

:: E-mail is a conversation.  Greet and meet the recipient; sign off cordially; be concerned with being interested more than being interesting; don’t monologue – invite an exchange rather than deliver a speech.

:: Use technology to your advantage.  Set up workflows and configure your mail application to assist you in managing e-mail exchanges with the minimum of fuss to you, and the maximum of benefit to all parties.

If you have anything else to add, please shout up.

The hidden art of email communication: technology is your friend

This is a bonus post, being as it’s Christmas.

A quick and easy way to start profiting from e-mail as a means of communication is to use the technology available to you to your advantage.  Even windoze offers competent e-mail solutions, so there really is no excuse.

You can go to town if you have the time and inclination, with plug-ins, widgets and add-ons enhancing your e-mail functionality even beyond what is practically usable, or you can restrict yourself to additions you will actually use.  I don’t view e-mail as a toy, I view it as a tool, and as such, I favour the latter as an approach to revving up your mail application.

Here are a few general pointers that will be applicable to all but the very basic mail applications:

:: Keep a clean and tidy inbox.  Every mail application has a trash can -use it.  An inbox with anything over 100 e-mails in it begins to become unworkable.  If you don’t need it, delete it.

:: Use flags.  Most mail applications allow you to flag e-mails for different purposes.  I flag e-mails that need to sit in my inbox for a couple of days, either for action, or to remind me to do something.  The flag is a constant irritant and makes me pay attention to it.

:: Use folders.  Taking account of recommendations surrounding when to keep and when to delete an e-mail, store e-mails you need to keep in intelligently named folders. This keeps your inbox spic and span, and ensures that you can easily access all e-mails on a given topic.

:: Use a ‘Pending Tray’.  Sometimes flags just don’t cut it.  Maybe you need to be able to see several e-mails to reply to one, and flagging will confuse the issue.  In this case, use a pending folder, and flag the folder.  This will keep everything where you need it, and will keep the folder in front of your nose.

:: Unsubscribe.  If, like me, you sign up for things to get offers from a company you really don’t want to hear from, use the unsubscribe functions in their mailings.  If there isn’t one, blacklist their e-mail address and future mailings will bounce before they reach you.

I find it helpful to take it one step further, and increase functionality and efficiency by drawing on a few third party products.  I can only cite Mac applications, but I’m quite sure that you will find something similar for Windoze.  Alternatively you could just do yourself a favour and switch to Mac

:: MailAppetizer.  This is a mail plug-in that I featured in a review, here.  Essentially it gives me notification of e-mails without me needing to go to Mail to read them.  The notification window floats in, I can easily see who it’s from, and I can read it, or delete it, right there and then, without ever leaving the application I am using at the time.

:: Mini Mail.  This is an excellent widget that allows me to send mail from within Dashboard, without the need to go into Mail.

::Mail Maker.  Mail Maker is a very cool utility that allows a single e-mail to be sent to multiple recipients, with each e-mail being personalised.  This avoids a ‘mass mailing’ feel and cuts out the need to copy and paste between multiple e-mails.

:: Intego Anti Spam X4.  Running a number of domains results in masses of spam.  Some Spam is eye wateringly obscene, and frankly I don’t need a notifier window popping up displaying its message.  Most mail applications have limited anti-spam capabilities, and since investing in Intego’s product I have saved a lot of irritation, time and effort, and have a much leaner inbox.

My suggestion is to spend a little while configuring your mail application, and then think about what else you would like it to do.  Once you know that, do some Googling and grab yourself some add-ons.

The hidden art of email communication: no hiding places

Put simply, what you say in an e-mail can, and sometimes does, come back to haunt you.  Write something in haste today, regret it tomorrow; if you let your anger or frustration spill out in an e-mail you will almost certainly live to regret it.  I know, I’ve done it.

A fundamental difference between spoken and written conversation is that there is usually no record of what is said, but there is a record of what is written for as long as a person wished to hold onto it. 

Even after an issue is smoothed over, and you think it has gone away, that e-mail can be sat in hibernation in someone’s saved mail folder, just waiting to be woken from its slumber the next time there is a difference of opinion.

There are two sides to this story.  There is the side of the story that is the responsibility of the sender, which has been addressed elsewhere in this series, and the side that is the responsibility of the recipient.  Both are equally important in avoiding a festering situation, and I want to look at the recipient’s responsibility from within my own experience.

A few years ago I wrote an e-mail to some close friends, who I am relieved to be able to say are still close friends; I wrote it from the heart, but the trouble was that my heart was in turmoil and that turmoil spilled out with all sorts of emotions – sadness, frustration, anger, desperation – you name it, it was there. 

I got everything out in one go, and that was not good.  Had it been a spoken conversation there would have been interruption, ongoing clarification, debate and general crisis avoidance.  As it was an e-mail, I got to make my whole point without interruption.  Big error of judgement on my part.  What followed was ugly and involved a lot more e-mails.

For some reason I filed that entire e-mail exchange.  To this day I don’t know why I did, but I do know this – doing so was toxic.  Despite moving on, despite seeking, receiving and giving forgiveness, I still had the reminder.  And every time I would see that folder with those e-mails in it, I was reminded.  It was like picking a scab off a graze.

One of the best things I ever did was delete that folder.  That single click of a mouse felt like a significant victory – I was free of the hold that that episode had on me. 

To save those e-mails was irresponsible – it only served to leave a door ajar for future conflict.  Fortunately, the door was shut before there was any conflict, but you can be sure that if there had been, in the heat of the moment those e-mails would have been dragged out, not as a memory, but as quotable ammunition.

If you habitually save e-mails, do yourself a favour – purge your mailboxes, keep only those you need to keep.  Don’t store up ammunition, don’t keep stoking a fire of hostility.  If it doesn’t help you, it will probably hurt you. 

So, which ones do you need to keep?  Here are some suggestions:

:: If it is an encouraging e-mail, keep it

:: If it is an e-mail concerning a live issue, keep it only if the information it contains is likely to be required for the benefit of the issue

:: If it is a practical e-mail – arrangements, sales receipts, serial numbers, legal stuff an so on – keep it

:: If you will need to refer to it in a future response, consider keeping it

:: If it’s anything else – especially if it’s hostile, emotive, embittered or causes you to feel saddened or hurt, delete it.

The hidden art of email communication: etiquette is everything

It’s unlikely you would start a face-to-face interaction by marching into someone’s day and simply issuing a statement, request, or even demand.  I know some people who have made that their leadership style, but it’s not an effective one; in fact it simply serves to whittle away respect.  Most people have a more sensitive approach. 

So, given that [most] people don’t use that approach in conversation, why do so many people use it in e-mails?

While e-mail may lack many of the features associated with ‘traditional’ conversation, in particular eye contact and non-verbal communication, it remains a conversation, and, restrictions regarding topic matter, writing style and so on notwithstanding, an e-mail exchange needs to be approached as such, at least in terms of the etiquette involved.

Here are some ideas on how to keep e-mails conversationally correct:

:: Don’t forget salutations – say ‘Hi’, and say ‘Bye’.  These are small words with a big impact on the tone that is set.

:: Call the recipient by name.  This indicates the e-mail is for them, not something more general.  Sending the same e-mail to several people? 

A side note:  if you are, spend the time to copy and paste content into personalised e-mails, or invest a few pounds/dollars in a plug-in for your mail application that allows you to personalise multi-recipient mailings – more on this later in the series.

:: Don’t dispense with pleasantries.  E-mail is not an excuse to be abrupt.  If the e-mail you are writing is the first in what will be an exchange, use the first line or two to enquire how the recipient is.  Once the exchange is underway, this isn’t necessary with every e-mail, but remember that the first e-mail in an exchange sets the tone for all that follows.

:: Look for signals.  In a conversation we can tell by tone, body language, or facial expression if someone really wants to talk about something in particular.  In an e-mail, they may well allude to it, but realising that is more difficult.  Read carefully so that you can pick up on it.  When you do pick up on it – respond!  It may seem like you don’t have the time – trust me, you do.  In the long run you will get a better outcome in the exchange if the other person can see they matter to you.

:: Take turns.  Don’t bombard the conversation with volume.  Open up content as the conversation unfolds.  If you have ever had a conversation with someone where you simply can’t get a word in, you know how drained it makes you feel.  E-mails are no different.  Treat them as an exchange – anticipate further e-mails and don’t try and get everything into the first one.

:: Sign off by name.  Be sure that the last thing you type is your name.  Don’t leave it at ‘Bye’, ‘Regards’ or whatever sign off you use, leave it with your name.

In an e-mail, just as in a face-to-face, etiquette matters.  Hope these suggestions are helpful.

The hidden art of email communication: time to think, instantly

Taking time to think before responding – whether in spoken or written communication – can be the thing that steers the interaction around hostility and breakdown, or it can be the thing that causes it.

JG’s comment (found here, and to which I have referred in previous posts) is a good one.  Oftentimes, an e-mail comes in – a simple question requiring a simple answer – and we can easily, and without fear of wreaking havoc, respond instantly.  But sometimes, a quick response can result in a bad response – an ill-judged comment, conclusions poorly formed, or information not particularly well researched.

However, I would add one caveat to taking time before responding: if you intend to pause for breath – whether to digest, process or research – tell the sender of the e-mail that you intend to do that, and why.

These days, we expect instant results – instant food, instant coffee, instant feedback – and when we don’t get them, we look for, and find, reasons, but they may not be the real reasons that our requirements haven’t been met.

Let’s say that I sent you an e-mail.  In it I asked a question, and it was a fairly big one.  You needed time to figure out my requirements, to get me the information, and to present it.  I, oblivious to what was involved in getting me the answer, simply knew that I sent you an e-mail and I wanted a response. 

You were working on that response, but I didn’t know that.  What I did know, however, was that I hadn’t heard from you, and as the minutes ticked past, I became increasingly irritated.

What did this misunderstanding, arising from the absence of timely communication, give us ?  Conflict.  I became irritated with you, and that set an unpleasant tone for future correspondence. 

You had my answer ready just a day later, but I was unable to receive it without a complaint about how long it took, leaving you feeling unappreciated and angry.

But how easily could this have been avoided?  Very easily, indeed.  All it would have taken to completely change the dynamic of that interaction would have been a ‘holding’ e-mail.

Let’s finish this post by revisiting the start of the above imaginary scenario:

I sent you an e-mail, you got it.  You opened it, read it and saw that work was involved, work that would take time.  Aware of the time you would need, you fired back an immediate response that went like this:

“Hi Andy, thanks for your e-mail.  It’s going to take me a day or so to get the answer – there’s a bit of research required.  I can get back to you by close of play tomorrow – is that time-scale OK for you?  Speak soon, Charlie” (I forgot to mention you were called Charlie.)

I replied with a simple response: “Hi Charlie, sounds great, thanks for letting me know, speak tomorrow, Andy”

Job done, conflict averted, with less than 30 seconds of effort by each party. 

It may only be a few lines, but a holding e-mail may prove to be one of the most valuable few lines you type that day.